I guess I always felt some weird connection to the gods, from a young age I would always look up at a thunderstorm and claim it to be Thor beating his mighty hammer or looking out over the horizon; while feeling a sense of loneliness or a longing that Odin must have felt when he hung from the tree. I remember my ex-partner was insanely scared of thunder, so much so she managed to turn my dogs the same, and every time the thunder hit and they would run for the safety of the bed I used the same line, ‘It’s just Thor’.
See I never felt quite complete, like something was missing. I have had a very up and down life with many trials and tribulations, some very simple and some of my own doing but it has never been easy or just plain sailing. I have fought much in my time, anxiety, depression and health issues but I always felt like I had a hand on my shoulder, or someone telling me it’s going to be ok and to just keep going and that’s exactly what I did.
Up until a few months ago, I was a science man, the big bang, a moment in time and all that. I never believed in a higher power or a god, I was logical in my approach to life and that this is it, the time we have on this planet is the only one we get and the try and make the most of it. Never did I believe I had down this before and I was a simple chemical reaction on a planet just lucky enough to harbor life. It’s a very solid belief system and sometimes I wonder if its true but then there are times I remember the feelings I now get.
As a small child I felt things, things that today make sense but back then I never really understood or wanted too. You know those feelings of being in a room and thinking I’m not alone. I can recall waking up every night Monday to Friday and seeing a shadowy figure climbing the stairs. I would hide under my pillow until he reached his destination and then when the coast was clear I would call for my Mum or my brother with whom I shared a room. I could walk into a room and feel someone with me and my eyes would dart around trying to find where or what was joining me. But as I got older I switched it off, my mind became full of getting older, Girls, Jobs, Partying and the future and to be honest I never looked back on those days until very recently.
We do not bend the knee in supplication to the gods and goddesses. Nor do we beg them to do for us; rather we ask them to empower us to do for ourselves. We neither need nor ask for our god’s forgiveness. We were not born into sin. We were born to be the best we can be…